After reading the book for a week what are your first impressions? So much of this part of the book is about Liz’s battle of modern vs. traditional, where do you fall on the spectrum? Are you married with children or do you never want to get married, or like most I would guess are you somewhere in between?
Ok. I'm not gonna lie. I'm having a hard time with Liz. I have a problem with the fact that she left her husband. I accept that she had reasons for doing it, and they might even be good reasons, but it bothers me because I don't know what those reasons were. It's hard for me to be ok with seeing a marriage end without the people involved trying to work it out, and because Liz didn't tell me exactly why she left her husband, that's basically all I know about why they got divorced. There. I said it. Hate me if you dare.
(Don't get me wrong though. I'm pretty sure I'd be behind her all the way if she'd fully explained what was wrong with her marriage. Maybe I just resent being out of the loop.)
That being said, I felt for her a lot more when I read the part about her depression. I believe that depression is a real problem that people have, and that in some cases it really can only be fixed with medication. If Liz's journey is going to help her come to terms with her depression and find the inner strength to fight it, then I'm behind her one hundred percent.
To answer the last question, I'm somewhere in the middle of the spectrum (as many of us are). I'm married with no kids, which is one of my own personal battles right now. In the culture I live in (being Mormon in Utah), there are a lot of strong opinions about having children right away (read: pro). Besides the peer pressure that naturally comes from most of our married friends having kids, I sometimes feel like I'm being judged by the people around me for choosing to work and put my husband through law school instead of quitting my job and getting started on our 2.5 kids right away (except, hey, we're Mormons, so it's more like 5 kids. But I digress). So in that sense, yes. I know about having society define you and dictating what you "should" be doing with your life.
See the other responses over at The Book Vixen!
I really like that you are doing what you really think is best for you and not just having kids because society dictates that. I'm curious though, shouldn't it be enough that she didn't want to be married to him anymore, that who she was as a married person wasn't true to her personality and that is reason enough to leave?
ReplyDeleteI have a problem with that. Marriage is a huge commitment; it can't be something you just decide to walk away from because it doesn't "work" for you anymore. I feel like the world today (and esp. American society) turns divorce into a common thing, like it's no big deal. But it shouldn't be that way. It IS a big deal, and unless one or both parties in the marriage is/are engaging in very destructive behavior/habits, you should do your best to work out your marriage and be happy together. As long as both of you want to make it work, you can. I know that's a controversial thing to say, but I really do believe it. Two people who want to be together, no matter how different they are, no matter what kind of personality clashes they have, as long as they're both dedicated to being together and making the marriage work, they can do it. It's possible. It won't always be easy, but life isn't supposed to be always easy, and I think that commonplace divorces make us feel like we can take the easy way out of our troubles instead of working through them.
ReplyDeleteJamie, I'm really glad you brought this up. Here are my two cents on the matter.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I think Liz getting into every reason for her divorce, the trouble and depression and whatnot, would probably be a three book series. For her to get into the details here would be much beyond the topic at hand. Not only that, but she was trying to respect her husband and not drag him through the mud. I sincerely appreciate that. It's one of the things that has endeared me to her on some level.
@tubathespian, I don't think we can judge Liz for her decision. We don't know that she didn't try to make it work. We really don't know anything about it. I certainly believe in marriage, and I believe that people should try to work it out. I think that many people rush into marriage without really thinking it through and use divorce as a safety net. But there are disagreements out there that are not easily fixed, or fixable at all.
Okay, coming down off of my soapbox now.
Jamie, I'm glad you're doing what's best for you and your husband. My husband and I have been married for eight years. We don't have kids, either, which has been greatly influenced by grad school. I must say I feel the opposite pressure than you do. My community does not put importance on having children before the age of 40 (I kid you not), and so the fact that I WANT kids generally evokes a frown. Society dictates whatever it wants. It's kind of annoying, isn't it?
It bugs me too that we, the reader, do not know why her marriage ended. But I do commend her for getting herself out of a situation that was no longer making her happy. Now, this is the selfish part of me speaking here but if you're not happy then what's the point? They didn't have children so that obviously makes it a lot easier to get out of a marriage. I'm not saying that what she did was completely the right choice (because again, we don't know the exact reasons for the divorce) but they were married for 10 years. She gave it some time. It wasn't like she married him then a year/year and a half decided 'you know, this isn't for me'.
ReplyDeleteThe ex-husband was a bit of a snake thinking he deserved monies from any future book or movie deals that she may have scored.
You're right, Rosie. I'm not here to judge. In my post, I was just being honest about how I'm processing Liz's decisions (like I said, not knowing the particulars is what bothers me the most!), and my comment was meant to explain the principles on which I'm basing my opinion.
ReplyDeleteWow, I'm slow, aren't I? I address you as two separate people in one post. Sorry!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your honesty in how you feel and your willingness to put it out there. I think I read it with a different tone than what you were intending. Sometimes that's the problem with the internet, isn't it? Sorry, again.
lol that's ok. It also sounds a lot worse when you don't realize it's a follow-up comment from the same person.
ReplyDelete